I miss the heck out of blogging. I miss the heck out of you guys. I can't believe I haven't done it in so long. I feel like a part of my leg is missing. Like my foot.
This blog is my foot. Do you know how hard it is to function without my foot?!?
Point being. I miss blogging.
I haven't been around and I really want to be back.
Let's just forget this little hiatus and move on from here, yes?
I was on a ROLL today at work. I got a metric ton of work done and I was on my way to being far ahead of schedule. I was in a zone.
Then...BAM. I hit a wall.
My brain was suddenly far, far away. It was following Phileas Fogg around the world. It was leaning over the deck of the Staten Island Ferry on a warm day with a cool breeze. It was in Honduras, then Pennsylvania, then...blank.
I'm not sure how long I zoned out but it must have been a good five or ten minutes.
Sometimes zoning out feels really nice. When you "come to" as it were, you feel refreshed and ready to start again. It's kind of like waking up at the right part of your REM sleep cycle. You know that feeling. Feels pretty darn good, right? You're ready to tackle the day and nothing can get you down.
Then other times you wake up feeling crabby, cranky, rubbing your eyes, and nothing but a motor oil substance of straight caffeine, preferably absorbed through every poor, orafice, and inch of body including your eyeballs. Yes, your eyeballs.
Woah tangent. Anyway, the latter is how I felt today.
And how I still feel.
So instead of going on more tangents about coffee in your eyeballs, I'm just going to relax for the evening.
I feel like relaxing, resting your brain, and doing something fun is exactly what you SHOULD do in times of brain numbness.
Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to fill my sleep mask with Kona coffee beans...
I tried several times to write something poignant in the blog for an opener. I did everything from blaming the beer I had with dinner to showing a picture of a weasel.
You might say I was stretching it a bit.
You would be right.
Really, today was a pretty average, normal, not-so-weird day.
I had a meeting, saw a doctor, had lunch and hung out with Optimus Prime.
Like I said, a pretty normal, average, not-so-weird day.
But even on normal, average, not-so-weird days, you shouldn't forget the little things.
While waiting to go to yet another doctor appointment today, I stopped in a new place to get some lunch. It was called "Pop Pub" and it's right below Union Square. (You should go, it's fabulous.)
_When it came time to pay, my card wouldn't go through. This has never, ever happened to me before. Then M (who was with me) tried to pay. His card wouldn't go through either. Thinking it was a problem with their machine, the manager took scans of our cards, our phone numbers, and let us walk out of the restaurant.
He probably thought he would never see us again and that we had dined and ditched on a $40 lunch tab (their prices are ridiculously reasonable, we just indulged ourselves...a lot.)
As we left the restaurant, I guided M directly to an ATM inside a shoe repair shop. Fees be darned, I wasn't going to let my unpaid lunch tab hang over the head of the poor guy at Pop Pub. With my cash in hand, I walked back into that restaurant and handed it to the waitress, then asked for the manager so I could apologize again and assure him we had come to pay our bill. As he came up the stairs I heard him say "It was really nice of them to come back."
Do people not do this on a daily basis? Is common courtesy so uncommon these days that it surprises people when you show it? Here are five things you should do EVERY DAY regardless of if it's a normal, average, not-so-weird day or not.
1) Say thank you. To everyone. It takes no time. "It's no skin off your nose." As my grandmother would say. It makes you feel good, and it's polite darn it! Someone holds the door open for you, say thank you.
2) Don't let other people's rudeness get you down. "No person is important enough to make you angry." If a jerk cuts you off on your way into the subway, let it go. You're still going to make the train and thinking of mean things to say to the man is a poor use of your time.
3) If, in the middle of an argument, you find that you are either wrong or the argument is stupid, say so! There's no reason to argue for the sake of arguing.
4) Remember, there are worse things in the world. Not to get all preachy on you but the fact that the guy at the coffee counter gave you 2% when you asked for skim or put whipped cream on top of your frappe when you asked him not to is NOT the end of the world. Perspective people. Life goes on. Yelling doesn't help!
5) Be honest with everyone. It would have been far too easy for M and I to have left the Pop Pub, disputed the charges on our cards and gotten a free $40 lunch. But what would that have gotten us? A guilty conscience and a really cool place we could never go again. Honesty, as always, is the best policy.
I didn't even mention little things like saying "bless you" when someone sneezes or covering your mouth when you yawn, but I felt maybe those weren't as important as paying your tab.
Politeness counts. Courtesy is important. Even on a very normal, average, not-so-weird day.
So today, I woke up and had a good, hard cry. Well, not immediately. And not because I woke up ridiculously early on my relaxing day off!
Yup. Not a good morning. Hey, it happens. Don't lie, you've had those mornings too. And not just when you realized all you had in the house was decaf.
(Why do you even BUY decaf?)
But then, I took a good, hard look at myself in the mirror.
That happens too. Mostly in the darkened windows of the subway cars. (New Yorkers, you know what I'm talking about.)
I realized that things are not so bad. I also realized that my "relaxing day off" was not so relaxing and I needed a mini-vacation.
Sundays are great days for mini-vacations.
I wore fuzzy socks. I made a food-porn-esque lunch. (Seriously, look up Rachael Ray's recipe for kielbasa reubens...delish.) I had some milky tea. I snuggled some kittens. I wasted a lot of time on twitter and etsy. I took a nap. Then I made dinner.
Those are cupcakes. Those are also dinner. You know why? I'm an adult and I make my own decisions.
Also, I really wanted cupcakes.
1) You're going to have "one of those days" every once in awhile. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's okay. No one can be happy all the time. But if you're having "one of those days" every day? It might be time to look for someone who can help you find out why.
2) Don't be afraid to ask for help. You can't do it all alone all the time.
3) If you wake up and cry, make the day about you. Hey, you deserve it every once in awhile! Seriously! Break out the fuzzy socks!
4) This might sound a little weird but getting out of the house, exercising, and getting some fresh air really can do a mind and body good. Go for a walk.
5) Go against the grain. Go against convention. Instead of spaghetti, have a cupcake for dinner. It's not going to kill you just this once. Indulge. Smile.
Throughout my life I've kind of depended on at least one other person. It might have been my parents, my friends, a lover, a teacher. Either way, it was a feeling of dependence that dominated my relationships.
Then, a few months back, I lost the most important relationship in my life. The man I was with for years had left me. I was without someone to depend on.
When I say depend on, I mean emotionally or mentally. Yes, I'm sure that there were times in my life where I was financially dependent on someone. 10 year olds can't work after all (unless the country votes Mr. Gingrich into office and they all become school janitors...but I digress.)
It was in this time of severe and almost unbearable detachment that I learned something.
The sun still came up. The earth still spun. Tomorrow came. The Grinch still stole and saved Christmas.
You get the point.
I didn't see it at the time. I didn't even really see it after M and I got back together. I didn't see it until tonight.
I still know what I know. I still am who I am. I still believe what I believe. I still want what I want. And that doesn't change on the whims of other people.
1) You can stand on your own two feet. No one pulls you upright in the mornings. Only you can do that. So do it, do it well, and do it with your head held high.
2) You don't need to depend on someone else to give you what you want. Go out, be bold, and take it for yourself.
3) When you are strong on your own, you're stronger together.
4) You're going to make mistakes. Don't blame other people and don't take too much time feeling sorry and blaming yourself. Learn from it and move on. You probably (hopefully) won't do it again.
5) Love you for who you are. If you don't, no one else will. When you love who you are, you can fly.
You probably don't need the towel and earmuffs to fly.
It was so easy to just put things off. It still is, if I'm honest. But then something happened.
I'll preface with this story. Each Tuesday, Saturday, and Sunday I sing at a choir on the Upper East Side of New York. I love going there. I don't really get a lot of opportunity to sing and it's a time to hang out with people that I love.
Before each rehearsal there's a little bit of time where we socialize with one another, joking, laughing, catching up, etc... Then Maestro/Papa Bear David will begin the warm ups.
Instinctively, I uncross my legs and put both of my feet flat on the floor. I sit up straight and feel my diaphragm move, and every time I do this, just like clockwork, I think of Mr. Coco.
Mr. Coco was my high school choral director. He was one of those teachers that you never forget (obviously.) He taught me a lot about singing (like keeping my feet on the floor and sitting up straight), a lot about dealing with people, and a lot about how to live in a way that was healthy, happy, and good.
Since I think of him so often and am so grateful for the lessons he taught me, I think "I should write him a letter thanking him." I think this each and every time I begin to sing at Choir practice. I think "I'll do it tomorrow." Yet, here I am, years later, and I haven't done it.
This week, however, I got a very rude wake up call. One of my professors from college, the man who let me into the program based on absolutely NOTHING and gave me a chance, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.
As I went through the weekend, seeing my college friends, professors, and school, I realized that there are some things that you cannot, should not put off until tomorrow.
Jer was more than a professor. He was a father figure to a lot of us. He took us under his lovable, curmudgeonly wing and showed us that we were who we were and we should love ourselves, and others, for that.
He taught us theatre, yes. But he also taught us about living, about ourselves, and how to dream...in a practical way. The kind of way that helped us plan for what we wanted and not expect to get it on a silver platter. He was a good man, a loving man, a hell of a cook, a great teacher, and the best drinking buddy anyone could've asked for.
I never thanked Jerry. I made it to New York City, have had my hand in Broadway shows, and been a "success" story (in a sense.) It was partly Jer's fault...I mean doing. (The man loved jabs and jokes.)
When I visited and heard the stories everyone was sharing with Jerry, I laughed, and cried, and made a decision.
I couldn't (and wouldn't) put things off until tomorrow what should be done today. I've written to Mr. Coco and several other people in my life that I felt I should thank. This weekend, I learned more than a few things.
1) Thank someone, anyone, every day. For something, anything. Especially if they deserve it. You won't regret never doing it if you ALWAYS do it!
2) Acknowledge the people in your life that have helped you get to where you are. No one makes it on their own. Even if they played just a small part, thank them for that small part.
3) Always remember the important things (not least of all the medication you need to take every day when you go out of town), but also remember the little things. Small stories can become important and special memories later.
4) Keep in touch with friends. Remind them how much they mean to you. Send little, unexpected cards and tell them how you feel. If you're proud of them, say so!
5) Always have a shoulder ready. Even those who don't seem like they need it today will need it, and you, someday. Be ready for them. Hold them. Comfort them. When someone needs you, be there. That's what friends are for.
We'll miss you, Big Jer. We're your legacy. We'll carry you wherever we go.
Oh, and how could I forget.
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.
_It was the right time to redo the blog. The holidays were coming, the goose was getting fat. But I didn’t do it.
Then the new year came, what better time to relaunch my blog but then? It was the season of resolutions and new beginnings. How could I find a better time than that? How could I put it off any longer? But I didn’t do it.
It was a time of relaxation. Time off from work. Time to kick back and relax and enjoy. But I didn’t blog. I put it off. I said “I’ll do it after the holidays.” “I’ll do it tomorrow.” But I didn’t do it.
I didn’t blog this whole holiday season. No, I put it on the back burner.
And what did I get? Not relaxation. Not a holiday. Not peace and quiet. No. I got guilt.
It was a good kind of guilt though. It brought me back to the blog instead of driving me away. It brought me solace, knowing that I was doing something I loved. And of course, I missed the crap out of you.
If you haven’t read my previous blog post about the new layout of the blog, you should do it. Go ahead; I’ll wait right here.
_I missed the heck out of you, I just want you to know. I really, really did. And here are five of the things I learned while I was gone.
1) If you love something, you’ll make time for it. You will be more likely to WANT to do it. And if you don’t do it, it will find you. It will sneak into the crevices and nooks of your brain and bury itself deep within it. It will burrow and stick, just like dried oatmeal in a bowl.
No seriously, have you ever tried to wash a bowl with dried oatmeal caked on it? I reckon if you mixed oatmeal and peanut butter then let it dry, you would have made the strongest building material known to man. Seriously.
2) Loving something means it will drive you crazy. I thought about this blog night and day. I even had dreams about it. Dreams I say! It was absolute insanity. Loving something means keeping it even when you can’t move on. Even when you can’t seem to move forward with it, you stick around. Trying. That’s love.
3) A good kick in the ass is sometimes exactly what you need. Jimminy Cricket is a handsome blue eyed boy. M is my conscience. He nagged me about uploading. He bugged me daily about posting a blog. I would get so mad that he was pestering me but I needed it. I needed someone to push me. It’s not so bad to have a monkey on your back.
4) When you think no one is listening, think again. When I was writing this blog I would say to myself “Does anyone read this? Does anybody care?” The answer is yes. Over the holiday, I met a great reader named Pam. Pam pulled me aside at the Christmas concert and showed me her socks. I had one day written a silly piece about how wearing mismatched socks made me feel better. I never expected anyone to read it. I never expected anyone to take it to heart. But Pam did. She showed me her socks and told me how she loved my blog. I tried not to burst into tears. Someone is always listening to you. Even when you think they’re not.
5) Find something you love. Find something you believe in with all your heart. That thing will guide you in the right direction. I love to write. I love to help people. I love everything about this blog. I tell people about perspective and positivity on a daily basis. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t mention it. I want to make your life better if only for a minute. I want to make you realize you have luck, ambition, and opportunity. The blog drives me.
If only one person reads this, I have done my job. If only one person reads this, I am satisfied. If I have helped one person, I have helped the world.
This drives me. You drive me. The thought of “we” drives me.
I know that you've all missed me terribly. I've missed you too, but I'm working on something HUGE! I'm talking megahumungaloiderous huge. (Ooh...that sounded almost dirty. Or is that just me? Just me? Okay, moving on.)
So big things are coming, and the result is that I might not be posting daily (like I should.) If you should show up to the blog one day and something is majorly funky? It's okay, I'll be working on the site. It might go down for short periods, it might look weird, but I promise that in the end it will all be worth it.
With the complete overhaul of the website, I'll be completely overhauling my whole genre and web niche. Don't fret, I'll still be weird and quirky. If high school didn't bang that out of me, nothing will. But I'm going to be doing things a little differently around here.
The more I write, the more I find that I love telling stories. I love to tell people things and I probably talk way too much. It's okay, you can tell me I do. So I've decided, after much thought, that my blog will follow a different format. I'll tell a story of something that happened to me that day. Then I'll tell you five things I learned from it, or loved about it, or things I want you to take away from it, or things you'll giggle about.
So it's still five things but a little more positivity and optimism and a little less blathering about loafing on the couch and making cupcakes.
I think that will feed me a little more and be a lot more fun and hopefully inspirational for you to read.
So here's to not making myself crazy with the new coding and other such nonsense. I'll see you on the other side!!
As you may have guessed from my absence, I've been very busy.
Also, Weebly and I haven't been playing nice in the last few weeks. It's been rather annoying actually. I think wordpress might be in my near future. Who wants to help me design a wordpress blog?!
Anyway, things have been great here. Aside from being incredibly busy, I've been incredibly happy. Woo hoo. Go me and my bad self. Here's just a few reasons why.
It's Christmastime! That means awesome lights, huge trees, and if you're M and I, lots and lots of singing!
M and I sing at St. Monica's in the choir. If you're in town, stop by the church at 79th and 1st for the holidays. We also have a more secular concert on the 18th! Bring the kids. It's going to be great.
I'm ridiculously tired but I'm feeling so much better than I was pre-surgery. I've got some hills to climb, but I think I'm really over the rough patch. My life, personal and professional is back on track.
I feel like this year is going to be a little easier and it starts now, at Christmas. I love my job, I love my friends, my cats, and of course I love new twitter. (Seriously, I'm a twitter addict, I can't stop myself!)
My mom is coming to visit this week, we've got the concert coming up soon, and we still have to get a tree! It's a busy time, but I'm a happy camper. Oh, and the last thing I'm thankful for?
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